Dis/equilbrium: Getting to Okay

It's been ages since I've posted anything. It seems that I have a perpetual deficit of time. But, my husband is inspiring me to return to blogging, if even for just some short entries. So, here are some thoughts I've come across lately.

A few months ago, it was as if a light switch had gone off with our three-and-a-half year old son. We woke up one day and he was suddenly having screaming fits like he'd never had before. He was oppositional about nearly everything and made a battle out of the simplest tasks. We felt like we were going crazy and so I started looking around for any advice I could find. Here's a link to a blog posting that I felt matched what we were experiencing: http://planningwithkids.com/2009/11/17/characteristics-of-three-and-a-half-year-old-behavior/. The diagram illustrating how children will cycle through periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium is one that my husband and I recognized from a handout we received at a special parenting conference a year ago. Seeing it again was a good reminder that perhaps what we were experiencing was normal.

Recognizing that what we were experiencing could all be part of a normal phase, though, is not an ending point. First off, I realize that even when our children are in a "phase," the way that we deal with the phase will have an effect on the people they become. Also, I am always hesitant to write things off as being "just a phase." What if we don't take enough or the right action to get our children the help that they may need, because we're waiting for them to just grow out of it? On the other hand, I also worry about making things into a bigger issue than is necessary, creating a complex out of what may actually be normal. In the end, I found that I can boil my worries down to one question, "Is my child going to be okay?"

Luckily, just a few weeks ago, it was as if the light switch went back on and our son seemed to glow sweeter than ever once again, also seeming to have taken yet another huge developmental leap in terms of his language development and capacity for deeper thought. It is as if he had had to break through a barrier like a snake molting its old skin. This is not to say that we still don't have our trying times every day, and we are also aware that more periods of disequilibrium surely await us, but at least for the moment I can take a pause of relief that yes, we're okay.