This is a blog all just for me. It has no purpose whatsoever except for me to share some of the random nonsense I happen to be thinking about in my day-to-day life. Sometimes it sure is nice not to have a purpose.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

People On A Path Of Self Destruction

Last night my husband and I watched the Season Premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and it left us feeling totally blue. We love watching the show normally and were excited to see it after all of the hype that had built up over the past weeks and months. But, seeing the family breaking up before our eyes seemed horribly wrong. So, if it's hard enough for me to watch this slow motion wreck of people I don't even know in real life, you can only imagine how I have been feeling watching people I do know who I feel are self destructing before my eyes.

Bottom line: I feel sad. I am surrounded by people who I believe are in emotional pain that is causing them to be self destructive. I love these people and yet no matter how much I care about them, I feel totally powerless to help them. I don't know what words to offer them or if words would be the wrong thing to use in the first place. I am accepting the fact that I can't stop their actions, and yet it pains me to see them spiraling out of control. Do I have a right to step in? Would I even know what to do? Do I have a responsibility to communicate my concerns with them? Would they even hear me? Do I necessarily "know better" than them?

For now, I am just laying low in my observation and reflection mode. I want to make sure that I am not being wrongly judgmental in my assessment of their choices. Even if I am acting with their best interest at heart, what gives me the authority to--as they would likely see it--criticize them? Then again, am I culpable in keeping silent? Unfortunately, this is not the first time I've been in this position and experience so far has taught me that my efforts are often for naught. Perhaps I need to better let go of people and let them live their own lives, even when I think that they are in pain and causing themselves more pain.

I do see that people only change when they want to change, and for some people, this never happens. It's a horrible cycle of people in pain causing themselves more pain because the pain they already have is too painful. I always wish I could throw a wrench in the cycle, but it's like they're on a downhill slope and there's no stopping them. All I can do, perhaps, is just get out of the way from getting run over.

Friday, May 22, 2009

No More Left To Give

Do you ever feel like you have no more left to give? That is how I've been feeling lately and so I think that's a sign that it's definitely time for a good break. Luckily, today happens to be Friday and this weekend is a three day weekend thanks to Memorial Day. Now, I could go on and on about all of the reasons why I feel so burned out. And, sometimes it is definitely necessary and useful to vent. But, I want to start my long weekend on a good note and so I think I'll try to brainstorm things that I'm thankful for or happy about, because there is definitely a lot of good to outweigh all of the reasons why I'm feeling negative. I think just need to remind myself of them.
  1. I woke up this morning and found that my sweet husband had cleaned up downstairs while I was sleeping. All of the toys had been picked up, he put away bags of junk that had accumulated during the week, and he vacuumed! I'm sure he even did more stuff like dishes, taking out the trash, and cleaning up pet messes. I have the best husband in the world and he is what lifts me up on a regular basis.
  2. For breakfast, I got to have a homemade chocolate chip cookie! Again, thanks to my awesome husband, I got to eat what is probably the best homemade cookie around. He baked these last night only after making his world famous eggs for dinner. Yummmm!
  3. This morning I had a message in my inbox from my friend in Japan. She and I knew each other in junior high and happened to reconnect over the Internet. People may complain about how technology can divide people, but in this case it brought us together. I love reading her messages!
  4. My entire outfit today is compliments of another friend who provides me with bags full of hand-me-down clothes from her adult daughter. Since I don't like to shop, these gifts are truly appreciated. I end up with a whole new wardrobe without having to spend any money. She gave me a bag just yesterday when we met to talk and catch up. I used to work with her and we would talk every single day about our lives. While we don't get to see each other so often anymore, talking with her is so easy whenever we do meet up and I appreciate her friendship.
  5. Last night, my Wittle One was wanting to nurse/suckle all evening long. From the time we got home, he just wanted to snuggle in my lap for several hours. Although this can sometimes get tiring, yesterday I just relished it. I enjoyed feeling him lying on me with such comfort and trust. I realize that this phase in our life is so short and so I just soaked it all in and let him go as long as he wanted. I love him so much.
The list could go on, but these are some of the first things to pop into my head from today and yesterday. Interestingly, just typing these has made me feel a calmness. I guess I should take the time to do this more often.